just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
