Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
