I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
