Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
