Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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