my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
