hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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