I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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