I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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