My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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