Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he fucked my hip out of place.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
