You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
