my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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