She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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