erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
