Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
