kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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