So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
