You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
