i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My life is pants optional.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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