No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
