i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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