is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
