i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
