This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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