yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
