I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So vagazzling was a success
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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