I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
