I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
