How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
