I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
