I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Sober January is a disaster.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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