i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Congratulations! We have a period
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