why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
