Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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