her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
where am i from again
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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