That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
