Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
