i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
is wine microwaveable?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
