I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
