so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
