just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
