I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
