I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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