My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
