ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
