Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
