apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
