..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
