Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
