I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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