i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
