I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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