I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it's like heaven, but drunker
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
