I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
